Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
