I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
