i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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