No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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