we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
