I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
