i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
