Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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