I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
