went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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