Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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