I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
