Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
