i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
