I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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