If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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