Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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