oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
