I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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