we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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