Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We left the knife in your bed.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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