I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You need Xanax blowdarts
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Randomize
