Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
