I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
