im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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