guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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