I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
