im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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