i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I am one with the molecules
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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