last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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