I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
