Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
