Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
