If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
