She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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