I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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