you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
then he tried to convert me to islam
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
