Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
