I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
