I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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