I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
