So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
