Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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