I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
