We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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