Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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