Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
