Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i barfeds in our rink
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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