I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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