THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
