this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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