Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
