id be glad to
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
