Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
