u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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