babies were throwing up all over the place
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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