Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
