Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Im part way to drunk.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize