I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
