He disabled his match.com account in front of me
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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