Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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