Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
