I'm going to jail i love you
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
