for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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