Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
