he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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